sad..

I know I intended this blog to be positive and optimistic. As i have said from the start, in with the new out with the old. But lately, i find it hard to remain positive. Haay, just want to die..

a dream is a wish your heart makes... shattered.

Sad.. I have very little hope of passing the board exams due to a technicality.. I want to focus on other things right now.. Hope something bright occupies my life right now. I feel sad that all the happy moments i had with my family preparing for my exam went down the drain. The trip to Manaoag, my father driving, my mom's prayers, my dad giving everything for my review (all the review materials, gym, everything..) my mom's support and well wishes.. just sad..

I cried after the exam, if you planned a life you wanted so much that it's clear and vivid in your mind it almost feels real, then something comes along to take it all away, it's so heart wrenching so painful..

rebound depression

feeling sad.. anxious, afraid.. The board exams are 3 days to go and as if all my past doubts about myself all came bubbling up to the surface, it was insidious unti unti tapos BAM hayan na heto na i feel all uncertain about my capabilities, felt like i haven't prepared enough, i feel i haven't given my all for this exam.. Just want to die.. Haay pag bumagsak ako sana kunin na ko ni Lord tapos mahanap ng family ko ung papel na pinagsulatan ko ng blog address at password ko para mabasa nila.. Sobra gusto ko nang mamatay!! waaa!!

anxiety makes the brain go fonder

haay what a day! una oddly enough, di ako kinakabahan (oops tama ba un?) sa exam, in stark contrast to the past week na sobrang grabeng kabado ako tipong di nako makatulog, napapanaginipan ko nag qq&a ako, pero the good thing about that is nakapagaral ako at natuto. hehe.

Okay for the day syempre review review, ayos naman went okay. Was feeling good about myself, i guess it's just one of those days when you feel you're attractive. haha. basta sarap ng feeling ko ngayon.

After the review, went out for dinner tapos accompanied my sisters to buy stuff, went to sm, bought my paraphernalia, met a staff at our college paper, had small talk with a guy who was buying his paraphernalia who like me didn't really know what to get. (Kakatuwa nga e kasi tanong nya agad, take ka din ng board?) haha. tapos bought some products (Love my new products sana super effective! mwah!)

Grabe kapagod, in a good way. Mom's coming home tonight. We'll be going to The Lady of Manaoag in the early am tomorrow. Haay talaga what a day!! kelangan na magreview. Kaya ko to LABAN lang haha. Mwah!!!!

pick me upper

Haay what a day! Grabe feeling super anxious na about the upcoming board exam. Kain na ko ng kain, nag gigym na nga ko tapos fit and right pa ng fit and right pero hayan todo kain pa rin, emotional eater kasi ako e, sana lang di ako nadagdagan nag lose pa ko ng 2 kg. (70 kg ako ngayon e ideal weight ko 55 lang haha)

Saw my favorite chinese teacher and tutor. Kakatuwa rusty na chinese ko pero i managed to carry a conversation with her. i just love her, ambait bait nya kasi not the typical chinese. She looks better now than before, at age 65 blooming sya ha! Haay lao sh, xie xie nin, for somehow lifting my spirit today. Iba kasi when you see people from your past specially people who touched your life in a good way. Makes me realize that every people you meet in your life holds a piece of you, a piece of you that makes you who you are. I love life.

Kaya nga lang nung tinanong nya ko what's up with me grabe kakahiya hehe. 10 years na since grumaduate ako high school la pa ko work. Haay, di bale ano yan reality bite ko. It makes me aware of what's going on with me.

Board exam here i come. Kaya ko yan! laban lang ng laban!!!!!!!

kuwentong taxi driver

Haay!! what a day! Had a really full day ngayon. Una syempre due to yesterday's result of having a good day due to eating breakfast, i asked my mom to make me some today. So hayun breakfast uli tapos punta review. Bale the review started slow, i wasn't very impressed by the instructor, all the time he was talking i was already contemplating of whether i'd be skipping class for half a day and go to the gym. Pero eventually grabe kakatuwa sya ang galeng galeng!!!! He reminds me of my aunt. hehe. After lunch, went back to review may nasakyan akong taxi na madaming opinyon yung driver, mostly complaints of how the current administration (with emphasis on the mayor) is doing a really bad job at managing our precious precious city. Anywho, di pala sya taga dito, dayo lang pero three years na sya at nalulungkot sya sa nangyayari dito ampangit pangit na daw. Haay, ganyan talaga ang philippine government mapa lokal man o national.

So hayun kumpleto kong pinasukan ang review ngayon daming natutunan, daming preparation. Pag uwi buti na lang at medyo maaga kami unti napauwi at natuloy akong mag gym. Malapit ko nang makuha yung spinning!! Lumalakas na ko after siguro 3 or 4 sessions kayang kaya ko na yun!

Birthday din pala ni tito ngayon 50 na sya, so sad.. Kasi at this age he's still kinda lost, still looking for his path, still trying to make a mark in this world, in his personal world. =(

Grabe lapit na exam kaya ko to!!! Aja aja!!!!!!!

eat like a king, live the day like a king

Haaay!!! what a day! what a great day! So bale i started the day by having breakfast luto ng mom ko request ko kasi the night before. hehe sarap sarap. Longganisa, sinangag, at hashbrown tapos oatmeal drink. Ganda agad ng simula ng araw tapos taxi na ko, although medyo natagalan kami dahil may ginagawang kalsada, natuwa naman ako at makuwento tong si manong driver andami kong natutunang cultural practices nila na di mo mababasa sa ordinaryong libro. Pagkatapos ang tataas ng scores ko ngayon sa exams, pasado lahat!!! haaay! Meron uli isang taxi driver akong nasakyan binigyan pa ko ng discount para eksakto na lang ibabayad ko. Bakit iba ang epekto ng breakfast ah. Dapat lagi na kong magbreakfast. The whole day di ako masyadong ginutom tapos di ako nanghina, inantok lang after ng lunch. hehe.

Isa pang magandang pagtatapos, may closing ceremony isa namang reviewer, he shared his perceived struggles in life which was inspiring. Di mo aakalaing ganun ang buhay nya because of his good looks (chinese kasi, you know how light skinned people are perceived better, richer ganun). He achieved a lot of things at an early age and the maturity of his words and wisdom was quite unreal, makes me reflect on how i was at around his age, i just got lost i guess. Anyway, things are all looking up now, i'm on my goal to my own success!!

Love you guys! mwah!!!