C2H5OH

Before our final break up, we've broken up 2 years ago for around 3 months.

Hence, the birth of this blog.

I was so down. I didn't know how to begin living without him. I lost myself in him.

I started going out and drinking heavily. I never cared about the hapless neurons I was about to commit genocide on. I just wanted to forget.

Then I met him, I'll call him number 4, 4 for short. Number 4 because I consider him my 4th angel. More about the 3 angels in later posts.

I met him at a seminar. He was really masculine, butch. I was at that time looking like a sad little orphan boy, with sad little orphan eyes, unkempt hair, unflattering clothes, slumped posture. Mukha talaga akong kawawa.

Then I noticed, that everyday he'd keep taking the seats near me, keep engaging me in short talks, and keep inviting me out after the day is done. I never really cared, I was like a zombie, I was just going through the motions of life.

After a while, I relented. He took me jogging. Extreme health buff eh. It was nice, and we had a lovely breakfast afterwards. It turns out that he'd seen me years earlier at my former gym, told me he kinda took a fancy at me back then but I just seemed so absorbed in my own world that he didn't even bother.

So I kinda took a liking to him. He was a nice guy. There was just no spark though. I still loved my ex, and number 4 was there to save me from drowning in my misery, he talked me into feeling good again.

He took me for my first run. It was a 10k run. I've written about it earlier, and I sort of didn't reveal the whole truth back then, I am indeed the last, there were sweepers behind me, but with me was number 4 as well, cheering me on. I am the last runner behind but technically I'm the 2nd to the last. Right as we were nearing the finish line, number 4 slowed down, gave me a few meters of leeway and allowed me to finish before him. Technically he got the last place. Imagine, athletic na athletic, ang lakas lakas niyang tignan, he could have finished among the top 10 pero... hehe sweet.

I was seriously considering a relationship with him, he knew I just came from a bad break-up. I was hesitant to jump into another relationship without the passion I had with my ex.

Then new year's came. The ex called. I can't help but feel a slew of strong emotions stirring in me. I was excited, happy, sad, angry, all at the same time. But the overwhelming emotion I felt was love. I forgave him. I was happy we were back together again.

Having to talk to number 4 about the recent turn of events was quite heartbreaking for me. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to be one of the many guys that broke his heart. It was a very sad day for me. I didn't want to be unfair to the both of them. I loved my ex more, he was my soul mate, my forever.

Tomorrow I run, this time a 5k. I can't help but remember my first, it was with him, he introduced me to the sport. It's the reason why I eventually quit drinking and started on the path to wellness.

We totally lost contact after that. Never heard from him since.

Tomorrow I run with a multitude of health enthusiasts, of amateur runners like myself, of families trying to bond over a shared epinephrine rush, of office mates and friends wanting to see who could run the fastest, and maybe with a special friend who helped me stand up when I lost my will to live.

Thank you number 4. No more alcohol, I promise.