Hollow Block

I took a friend out today. She's been down on her luck lately and I thought I' d cheer her up.

She's supposed to be due for New Zealand, but the recent catastrophic earthquake that shook this little Maori nation proved to be the cause of delay for her departure. I remember how she'd often talk about going bungee jumping once she gets there, and how giddy and excited she'd get when she talks about it, she even gets this sparkle in her eyes when she daydreams about it.

So I thought I'd give her a taste of how it feels like to plummet towards the ground face down. We went rappelling. It was a 60-foot free fall drop that literally turned my knees into jello.

It was fun. They say that courage can be acquired through habit, well this exercise would definitely turn one's pusong mamon into steel.

Throughout the duration of the day, we've been talking about anything and everything just as friends do. However I suddenly sensed a certain kind of heaviness, I can't really explain what really, but just heavy. Mabigat sa ulo, sa utak, sa vibe, ewan ko basta mabigat. I don't know if it's just me or whatever but I certainly sensed this 'feel' distinctly.

We've been friends for almost 3 years now, met her through nursing school. She's been through a lot in her life, from her adolescence years, domestic issues, everything just seems to be hard for her. Even the person processing her papers was baffled as to why everything wrong that could happen, happened to her, talk about Murphy's law in action.

Trying to dissect what happened earlier made me realize that because I'm now going in a more positive and optimistic state of mind makes me more sensitive to this kind of 'heavy' vibe. I'm not saying she's negative or anything, but things sure seem to fall out of place with her plans. Maybe because of everything she had to go through in life, an unconscious part of her expects things to go awry or difficult most of the time. Thoughts are things, and although she's a fighter trying to power her way through each and every obstacle in her life, things just don't seem to get any easier for her. Maybe the problem lies with her subconscious.

We need some major reprogramming to do. A psychobabble here, a little motivational talk there, a little humor on the side, anything just to rewire her thoughts. She's a very positive person so I'm not really sure where all this is coming from, maybe it's some deep unresolved issues with her past that she didn't quite come to terms with yet, I'm not really sure. All I know is that nakakahawa ang bigat. Pagkauwi ko parang pagod na pagod ako, I felt so drained.

Haay, positive thoughts, happy thoughts! smile smile smile!!!! :)