Nerves

Sobrang kinakabahan na ko.

Anxiety attack talaga.

In school, I love presentations and reports. I love speaking in front of the class. It gives you a sense of control, gives you the power to persuade people to look at your own point of view and have them agree to it.

But now with only 2 days notice, I have to speak in front of a relatively large crowd, close to a hundred people. I feel so unprepared, and with a lot of things going on the past few days, I have but little time to prepare a decent speech.

Para na kong nahihilo at nasusuka. Di na ko makakain ng maayos.

Haay, during times like these, I call my ex and tell him all my worries and everything seems to go away. He calms me really.

I used to have trouble sleeping before, ang daming pumapasok sa utak ko right when my head hits my pillow. Minsan di maganda gising ko, I don't feel rested. When I met him, nakakatulog na ko ng mahimbing. Lagi ko yong sinasabi sa kanya, kung gano pati sa pagtulog ay sya ang rason ko. He was my everything, kaya nga ang hirap bumalik uli sa pagiging mag isa.

I feel safe when I'm with him. Feeling ko kaya ko lahat basta kasama ko sya, kaya naming lahat.

I'm a hopeless romantic, he was my fairytale story come true. Too bad it didn't have a happy ending, life got in the way.

Sabi nila married men live longer than single men. I want to live longer. I want to meet someone. I'm starting to enjoy my independence now, and starting to grow stronger without him. But sometimes I can't help but want him by my side. I want us to have our dreams back, I want us to be salt and pepper again. It's hard getting over someone. Specially someone who you really love, someone who you envisioned growing old together, someone to share my one life with.

I miss him. I miss us. So bad.

But right now I have to deal with my nerves.